All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Shame - the story of my life.
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