she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he thought i was a dude.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
