it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
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But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
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I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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