told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
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tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
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I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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