thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
