Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
