She said her name was "party"
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
