oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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