I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
