You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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