Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
