new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
