It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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