Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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