Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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