I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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