Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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