I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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