I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
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I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My liver just had a heart attack.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
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I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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