hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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