I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
