The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
God, you're like boner-b-gone
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
