dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
