the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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