im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
