the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
