I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
