Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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