Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
