he told me I talked like a deaf person
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize