PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
