this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize