Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Randomize
