There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
