i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
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