I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
