remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
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