i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
