In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
