Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
