my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
then he tried to convert me to islam
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize