did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
