if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
