Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
