How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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