I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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