oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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