Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
