hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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