This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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