I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
