3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
