I think i peed on brittanys purse
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
