Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
