Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize