Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
