Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My vagina just recognized that song.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
