i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize
