Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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