If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
