Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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